Ring the Bell

Image: bell
Once there was a church that had a bell that no one could ring. One day, a boy came and asked the priest if he could try. So the boy went up into the tower and ran straight into the bell, face-first. The bell tolled loud and clear. The shocked priest gave him the job. But one Sunday, he ran straight toward the bell with his face and missed and fell off the tower and died.
"Congregation," the priest said before the assembled masses. "Does anybody know this boy's name? Because I don't know him, but his face rings a bell."

Two Parrots, A Priest, and Prostitutes

Image: Parrot
A woman went to see her priest with a problem. "Father, I have two female parrots, and the only know how to say one thing. All they ever say is, 'Hello, we're prostitutes. Want to have a little fun?"
"That's so wrong!" remarked the priest. "I think I can help. Bring your two female parrots over to my home, and I will put them with my two male parrots whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that awful phrase, and your female parrots will learn to worship instead."
The very next day, the woman took her female parrots to the priest's home. His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage. The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots. The females said, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have a little fun?"
One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed "Put the beads sown, our prayers have been answered!"

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic

image: priest
Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did.
Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple: "Who is it?" "It's Mark" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Mark?" "Marijuana from Colombia" "Very well son, come in."
Another soft knock is heard. "Who is it?" "It's Matthew" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Matthew?" "Cocaine from Bolivia" "Very well son, come in."
At the next knock Jesus asks, "Who is it?" "It's John" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring John?" "Crack from New York" "Very well son, come in."
Someone starts pounding on the door. "Who is it?" "It's Judas" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Judas?" "FREEZE! THIS IS THE FBI!"