Absolution and then some

Image: Laugh out Loud
Pat enters the confessional and tells the priest that he has committed adultery.
"Oh, no," said the priest, thinking of the most promiscuous women in town. "Was it with Mary Callahan?"
"Father, I'd rather not say who it was."
"Was it with Nancy Riley?"
"I'd rather not say," says Pat. So the priest gives him absolution and Pat leaves. While leaving the church, Pat's friend asks if he received absolution.
"Yes, and two very good leads!"

The Priest and a drinking man

Image: Priest Cartoon
One day a drunk is walking along the shore of a riverbank when he notices a priest baptizing people from a local town. The drunk man staggers into the shallow end of the river and bumps directly into the priest.

The priest turns around and can immediately smell the alcohol.
“Are you ready and willing to find Jesus?” asked the priest.

“I sure am.” replied the drunk man.

The priest pushes the drunk down into the river by the shoulders, and dunks the man’s head under the shallow water. After a few seconds the priest pulls the drunk up and asks him, “Have you found Jesus my son?”

The drunk responded, “Nope.”

Once again the priest dunks the drunk man under the water and holds his head for about 15 seconds and pulls him back up. “My son, have you found Jesus?” yelled the priest.

The drunk shakes his head, wipes his eyes and asks, “Are you sure this is where he fell in?”

Did God make you?

Image: girl dancing in the rainA young girl was sitting on her grandpa's lap as he read her a bedtime Bible story. Occasionally, as he read she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?" "Yes, dear," he said, "God made me long ago." "Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me?" "Yes, he certainly did, sweetheart," he said, "God made you just a little while ago." Feeling both faces again, she said, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?"