In The Name Of Jesus Be Healed

In The Name Of Jesus Be Healed

There's always a kid at church, that stares at you like they know all your sins

There's always a kid at church, that stares at you like they know all your sins

The 4 Christmas Golfers Joke

Golf Course
Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.
                            
His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it, we'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning."
                            
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.
                           
The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."
                                
Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the Cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."
          
Number 3 guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."
                              
They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds.
                            
I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, Merry Christmas! It's a great morning for either sex or golf,'  and she said... 'Take a sweater!'"

Thanks to Midnight Joe for forwarding!

Jesus Saves Joke

Traffic Cop
Two prostitutes wee riding around town with a sign on top for their car which said, "TWO PROSTITUTES.........$50.00."

A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.

Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES."
They asked the cop why he let the other car go and he said, "Well, that's a little different, it pertains to religion." So the two ladies took their sign down and took off.

The following day found the same cop in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. Figuring he had an easy bust, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which read "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER.......$50.00."

The Lord and the Devil Splitting Up Souls

The Lord and the Devil Splitting Up Souls
On the outskirts of a small Georgia town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy.

Meanwhile, several dropped and rolled down toward the fence. Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls."

The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk."

When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me One for you, One for me..."

The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord." Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done."

They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the boy on the bike.
(Thanks for forwarding Joe L.)